Happiness, Reframing

Blame Comes at a High Price

Whether it’s what he said last night, or the fact that Trump is President, are you angry, hurt, or otherwise feeling negative, and certain it’s all their fault? I would suggest to you the idea that when you allow someone else to “make you feel” anything at all, you are handing your power to them. Consider this, have you ever absolutely hated someone, and then later became friends or perhaps even lovers? Maybe you’ve found someone entirely irritating until you got to really know them. On the other hand, maybe you loved someone deeply and now absolutely can’t stand them.

But…

What happens to the people who come and go in your life that you feel absolutely nothing about. Let’s face it, you can love someone one minute and hate them the next, or hate someone one minute and love them the next, but if you feel nothing about someone, just pure indifference, or even apathy, there existence has zero bearing on your life. Am I right?

And what this proves is that any emotional response you give to someone is an investment. It is, in a sense, a combining of your energies. So whether you love, hate, fear, or trust someone, you have a stake in the outcomes that are often outside of your control. In the action of feeling, you are leaving something up to the whim of another person. And this creates an attachment.

Now I’m not suggesting you simply switch off your emotions. The depth of living that emotions provide is well worth indulging. However, I am suggesting that you take more personal responsibility for your emotions, and temper them with rational, reasonable consideration.

So, back to blame. No, she didn’t make you feel anything. You might not have appreciated what she did or didn’t do. He may have tread on a subject you don’t like to discuss. They may have betrayed your confidence. But, the actions, or words of other people had absolutely no power to make you feel. When you chose to blame them, you handed the responsibility for your emotions over to whoever it was. And, in doing so, you have infected yourself with what basically amounts to a tether to a moment. And that tether, will pull you backwards in time, keeping you from fully engaging the present moment, now, and possibly in the future. You may even hold on to it so tightly that you drag it into future relationships.

Blame is a waste of time.

In the time it takes to blame someone for a mistake and the following hours of emotional tension, you could have learned from the experience and moved on.

Make every mistake a learning experience and learn from other people’s mistakes so you don’t have to live it to learn it!

Reject the poison.

Let it go.

Forgive.

Keep your emotional field free.